current state of the union
moving, marriage, and manifestations.
Summer has left me in its dust.
I came up for air and suddenly it’s August. This summer has been spotted with periodic travel or guests in town every 1-2 weeks, big life changes, and that general sand-falling-through-your-fingers feeling that time in summer tends to have: slowly then all at once.
I’m seeing signs of Halloween in WalMart, and it makes me feel like summer is done before the seasons have even changed. In reality, we have weeks left of warmer weather and longer days, yet there’s this rush to move toward what’s next — to wrap up what we’re in the middle of before we have time to linger in and enjoy the last of it.
I’m guilty of this, too. I’m heading into a new chapter marked by moving states (but I just got here?), moving forward in my relationship (there’s a ring on it), and moving closer toward what I envision for my business (I’m finally letting you in on it below).
currently navigating — upcoming move to nc, relational shifts, next steps
I move to North Carolina in approximately 4 weeks and have approximately .5 boxes packed out of what will surely be many. I’m in that stage where the move is closer than it seems and there’s more to be done than what I’m realizing, but right now it feels far enough away that I can kick the can down the road for just a little longer until, inevitably, I’m overwhelmed and my head is spinning off my shoulders while I wonder why I didn’t start this sooner.
I’m itching for this move. I love a fresh start and a change of scenery - especially paired with the beginning of a new season and another lap around the sun (somehow turning 31 quite soon).
North Carolina boasts beautiful trees and lush greenery. We’ll be closer to bigger cities with amenities — like Costco and Trader Joe’s — that I’ve dearly missed during this beach bum season. A few cute, quaint little downtowns will be within a short bike ride or drive, and I’m already romanticizing date nights, weekend breakfasts, and finding my way around with the girlfriends that await me there. And, for the first time in my adult life, I will be moving into a home that has permanence and is ours to sink into for a bit if all goes to plan.
Permanence within the military world is an interesting concept from what I’m learning. Things are permanent until they aren’t, or maybe that means they never really are. Plans can change at any time, lives upended, cross-country moves, spouses gone. It’s not something I ever saw for myself, but here we are. The promise of a season with permanence is something I am clinging to yet trying to hold lightly.
And, I’ve been quiet with this news, but I’ve really committed to this life as of late. Earlier in the summer, we got engaged, and we’ve been navigating what that next level of commitment — the solidification of our little two-person team — will look like. We’ve been learning that sometimes the decisions you need or want to make in order to establish boundaries, protect your relationship (and sanity), and move in the direction that will be filled with the most ease for you as a couple are sometimes unpopular and unexpected choices.
This process has been uncomfortable at times. It’s required us to not only realign and recommit to our shared values but also consider what is best for both this brief moment in time and years down the road. There can be friction when your decisions don’t meet the expectations that others have for you, and in those situations, I’m not really sure that that’s on you.
It’s left me thinking a lot about perceptions and relationships. How we see our own experience and also how we view (or judge) the experiences of others. We’re so quick to project our preferences and methods on to the lives of those around us.
I just don’t understand why they’re doing that.
That makes no sense to me. I would never.
I mean I know we aren’t parents yet, but…
We’ve all done it. Navigating this occasionally rocky road of early engagement has reminded me that there’s really no sense in that. What’s meant to work best for you isn’t meant to work best for someone else. Sometimes your decisions won’t make sense to others, but do they make sense to you?
currently feeling — the emotions of a hard launch
When to bring my little corner of the internet and business out into the world of people I know IRL has been an internal struggle for me. My reasoning for keeping it quiet was to give myself time to get my footing and figure out what I wanted it to be. To get comfortable putting myself out there, build confidence through building competence, creating and expressing myself in a different way, etc.
I think I’ve accomplished that, and now my old foe perfectionism has crept in, providing a thousand reasons why it’s just not quite there yet. As we all know, there will always be a reason not to.
My business and brand will be ever-changing and ever-evolving. I both know exactly what I want it to be and have no clue what it will grow into, but I’m the closest I’ve been to being solid in the messages I’m sharing and the steps I need to take to move closer to the big vision.
Somedays, I feel ready, proud, and clear. On other days, I feel hesitant, self-conscious, and confused. But I’m starting to realize those ebbs and flows will likely be an ever-present part of doing something different, new, and a bit scary. All that considered, I would rather give this dream a try than keep it on the shelf and wonder.
My corner of the internet is called the gracefull collective. Above all, I want it to be a place to be and feel like yourself. A space where women feel accepted, heard, and encouraged to be who they want to be — whatever that looks like. It’s about making tough decisions, doing uncomfy things, choosing yourself, and shedding the layers of fear, doubt, shame, and guilt that so often shroud us.
I chose the word collective because I envision many facets within one hub: in-person yoga and wellness offerings, individual client services, retreats and community events, a space for my book and writing - the list could and will go on. The message running through it all will center on two key themes: it’s safe to be yourself and change is possible.
So often, both of those things, the former once innate and the latter always inevitable, evade us and are concepts we have to relearn. We have to teach ourselves how to walk through the world as who we truly are without fearing judgment — it can be so scary to do the things that come naturally to us.
If the messages resonate, it’d be an honor to have you follow along (linked again here), and feel free to share with anyone who may need it.
Speaking of next steps…
currently dreaming — a 2025 retreat
I had the funny realization the other day that there is literally nothing holding me back from hosting a retreat besides myself.
It’s that dream that feels too big and has all those thoughts trickle after it — no one would sign up, I could never get enough people, am I qualified to do this? It’s amusing how capable the mind is of arguing for our limitations, showing us all our worst fears and using them as reasons.
Southern Europe has a substantial chunk of my heart, a vice grip that refuses to give. I pitch a temporary move there to future hubs weekly — and as of late, that’s where I’m being pulled to go. Mallorca, the coast of Portugal, somewhere in Spain…we shall see.
If you’re interested in staying in the loop, please let me know. I’d love to be connected with any wellness practitioners you know who may be dreaming up the same.
the recommendations
R — [recipe] Gochujang Chicken Burgers with Kimchi Bacon Jam — I have subbed ground beef for ground chicken, and the burgers have still been chef’s kiss. The kimchi bacon slaw is so fricking good, and I typically add a lil avocado to cool the heat.
E — [entertainment] The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent — Am I so late on this?? It came out in 2022, but I just watched it last week. I’m not particularly a Nicolas Cage fan and may have fallen asleep for 30 minutes of it, however, it was a crowd-pleaser on family movie night. And, I thoroughly enjoyed what I didn’t sleep through.
C — [content] Why does my mom telling me to have a fruit bowl for breakfast make me want to call 911? — What is it about family vacation? I have rewatched this reel more than I’d like to admit. It gave me comfort before I headed into my first family vacay with my guy’s parents and siblings and made me feel like I wasn’t alone with my psychoanalyzing tendencies (oops). Family dynamics are fascinating and vacay can just bring out something different in them. The comments section is worth popping into.
S — [shift] One Italian Summer by Rebecca Searle — What would the chance to meet your parents at 30 be like? Who were they then? Or, in my case, who were they before me? This book explores that question. The main character travels to Italy for a trip she was supposed to take with her mom and finds herself in a magical gap of time where she meets her mother as she was when she was 30, spending a dreamy summer in Positano. Cutesy, quick, light, end-of-summer read.
As always, thanks for being here, reading, and following along as I figure it all out. It’s appreciated more than you know <3